What makes a romantic restaurant?

I recently got the following e-mail:

My coworker who hasn't had a date with his wife in six years, yes six years,
is finally getting a babysitter, so they can actually eat without the kid
for once.

I'd love to get a list of your three top most romantic restaurants in San
Francisco.

Let's put aside the fact that he and his wife have not gone out together on a date for six years. What's more important for you is: what makes a restaurant romantic? And, what are the top three in San Francisco?

I really don't know what makes one restaurant romantic and another one not. It's not whether something is expensive: there's plenty of restaurants that are geared more towards the business deal than wooing your love. It's not whether something is small or large: there's plenty of romantic restaurants that are intimate, and ones that can seat over 100 people. No, romance and the romantic restaurant is in the eye of the beholder and can be very personal. You know it when you see it.

There are definitely some expensive restaurants out there that could be put on top of the list: Gary Danko and French Laundry are both excellent choices. Both feature chefs heralded far and wide as amazing culinary masters. With Gary Danko, you stay in San Francisco. With French Laundry, a whole Napa weekend could be built around it. Spruce just opened up and is also elegant. Any of these would mean s/he chose the very best and is willing to pay for it. The downside when choosing a very expensive restaurant, and especially in the case of my friend's question: it could come across as saying that money will make up for the fact that he did not take her out for six years.

However, a big production may be the exact opposite of what someone might be into. In fact, a little out-of-the way bistro may be more her/his style. I would say Bar Crudo or Kiss Seafood are both tiny places that, if you like seafood, should be on your list of choices. I think Zoya is a great little romantic find (and went there for Valentine's Day).

Wine bars are inherently romantic and popping into one before moving on to dinner is a great way to set the mood. There's some cool wine bars like Hotel Biron and Cav (Hayes Valley), and Yield (Dogpatch) that have little snacks along with their wine offerings.

Ultimately, though, what will be romantic for them would be something one of them has done very thoughtfully for what the other likes. Has she mentioned a certain places she'd like to go. Or food he's been craving. Or a part of town she's been wanting to go to. Or a complete surprise of a place that he's never heard of. They've probably driven by places where she said, that looks cute. Or maybe seven years ago they went on a date and loved a place. I think that's more romantic than any suggestion posted here.